From a Onetime Insider’s Point of View

      I would always proclaim that I would not be in an abusive relationship.  “Why did they hook up with that guy?”  and “Why don’t they just leave?”  were of course common questions.  It’s simple though to talk this talk from an outsider’s point of view.  When you’re on the outside looking in (yes I just quoted Staind) assumptions are very easily made.  You think how simple it must be to avoid or just get out of a violent situation.  I thought this way.  I thought this way until I was on the inside. 

     I fell victim to domestic abuse at a relatively young age.  The signs were not there in the beginning like one would assume they are either.  I mean, it isn’t like these abusers walk around with a sign tied around their neck. That would be nice though.   I was so not prepared for such a position either considering I always said I wouldn’t be here.  It started slow and gradually got worse and worse.   First it was the controlling and verbal abuse but the physical was added into the mix before too long.  Of course I couldn’t tell anybody either for fear.  But I finally got out.

     That is all in my past now and I can proudly say that I am a survivor.  At the time I thought I lost everything and almost my life, but now I hold my head up high and smile knowing that I am stronger.  I never told a soul about the abuse until a week after leaving him.  I was embarrassed in the beginning.  Now I am wanting to help others who are in this situation.  As a victim and survivor, I know firsthand how it feels that nobody will help you.  Did I get any help out of the law?  Only if you consider a piece of paper forbidding him to come near me protection.  

     Also I want to spread awareness that just because somebody is in this situation, being beat on daily, does not mean that they brought it on themselves.  There is no way to know who somebody truly is sometimes until it is too late.  I am no longer on the inside but I am now a much wiser person outside.  I was challenged today by somebody saying women bring abuse on themselves.  I found this not only ignorant but entirely out of line.  It was a woman saying this as well.  She obviously has not been on the inside.  I am thankful for that for her.  I don’t wish it upon anybody.  But don’t be too quick to judge either.  It is that sort of criticizing behavior that prevents some women from seeking help.  Don’t ever just assume things.  There’s a good chance you’re wrong. 

     If you are in this situation, please know that there is hope and a way out.  There are shelters if you do not have family to turn to.  And whatever you do, please do not ever suppose it will get better.  It doesn’t.  It only gets worse.  His apologies become a broken record and before long even completely stop.  Get out now while you are still breathing.